A dead blog

Closing the deal

Dear Midge,

my problem is this, when I am a solid setting with a girl where the vibe is nice and everything, say coming back from a party/night out and I am with her in a small group setting, how do I get her to come with me to another room where the hook up can happen?
Also what are some obvious and general signs that girls make when they are interested in a guy?

Also
Is it best to somewhat downplay her, and not really seem interested in a girl when you are first trying to escalate things? aka not really calling her that much or texting her.  not asking her to hang out that often? and try to make her, make the contact into getting to do something?  or should I just go for it myself, no matter what?

Thanks,

Can’t Choose A Strategy

Dear Can’t Choose,

So you want to close the deal, but you have trouble reading the signs. Understandable. I’m pretty sure this has been going on for millenia. You’ll hear 7 different opinions from 7 different people on this one, so it’s tough to know who’s right. The truth is, everyone is different, and there is no universal “tell” that a girl likes you. However, there are some hints.

Body language is subtle, and some girls manipulate it (consciously or unconsciously) to their advantage. However, when I like someone, the first thing I do is make lots of eye contact. Not everyone is comfortable doing this, so look for signs like proximity - how close is she to you physically throughout the night? Is she touching you casually when she’s talking to you (arm, leg, even picking stray hairs or lint off your t-shirt)? Does she seem to laugh and/or smile more when you’re around? Does she get tongue tied? Does she make excuses to be in the same room with you? All of these things are little ways girls have of showing you they’re interested - without putting their feelings on the line.

Now that you’ve determined she’s into you, where do you go from here? You’ve got to be bold. If she’s a bit shy, you’ll have to make the first move. Move in close enough that it’s obvious you aren’t just being friendly. Take her hand to follow you. Pull her around the corner and kiss her. The night isn’t going to be determined by how smooth you do this. It’s going to be determined by your willingness to take a leap and not waste the moment. So don’t worry about things being a bit clumsy. They often are. Just laugh and try again. Sex and its cousins leading up to it aren’t like the movies; there’s head bumping, hair pulling (not in the good way - in the “your arm is on my hair” way), lip biting that bruises, belching, arms that fall asleep while snuggling because you didn’t want to say anything, and a whole world of bloopers that just make it more real, not less sexy.

Lastly…how do you keep the ball rolling with a girl? Anyone who tells you to act uninterested is silly. Playing games is dumb. End of story. It’s just as dumb at 14 as it is at 45. Open, honest, up front. You don’t need to serve her your heart on a plate with a steak knife and napkin. No post-hookup love poems. Just be you. If you like her, tell her. If you want to hang out, tell her. If you want to see other people, tell her. If you want her to see only you, tell her. You win some, you lose some, but you’ll never wonder if your strategy was what blew it for you.